PREPARING TO LEAVE

The woman I'm looking after at the moment, let's call her Clara Bow, is 92 yrs old and mostly pleasant. She still puts on her powder and lipstick every morning, even though she's had a stroke and only has one good hand. My god, I can't be bothered and I'm only 53! Right now, she's watching Neighbours and I'm sitting at the dining table behind her. The worst thing about living with Clara is watching TV; she has sky but I'm sure she has shares in the BBC - she will not watch any channel that has adverts, except the sport channels. We are complete opposites but she loves me because I am a fantastic carer. The carer I work back2back with used to run a nursing home and is a bit headmistress-y, apparently. I am not looking forward to telling Clara that I'm leaving for good, and thought I'd wait till Monday, but it might happen earlier because I don't want to actually lie to her; if she asks me when I'm back or how long I'll be away I'll have to tell her if I can't divert her attention. And then I'll have to live with the result for longer than I planned.

Her memory is really taking a trip these days; she constantly asks me the same question or reminds me to do something that is part of regular routine. She will panic and worry about who she's going to have instead of me, and will focus on the bad carers she had in the past. I know that she won't for one minute think of me and my family; it will be all ME ME ME. Her son and daughter-in-law nearly flipped when i told them - this means a hard time for them because she'll be on the phone complaining or the carers will be complaining to the office. This job has suited me because I could do lots of writing and stuff, but most other carers want to go out on their time off.

But I'm not going to worry about all that; I'm going to concentrate on finishing the patchwork blankets and post them home before I leave. My god, the junk I've collected while I've been here has cost me a fortune to post. I always planned to get another car and drive back, but I'm flying because it's quicker and cheaper - though not if you add the postage!