Sunday, April 20, 2008


It’s very strange, coming across these old pieces of writing and getting a glimpse into my old self; I’m glad I covered some of my thoughts. I remember me, at twenty-odd, standing in a bar, trying to capture remnants of old politics but nothing survived because they hadn’t been written down. I keep telling Amazon that she will regret not writing. So she has scattered bits of diaries (which are better than nothing) but the laptop makes all the difference; now it’s easy to nip in and type a quick note, and Bibo will save her. I can just see her old self cackling at the language of messages and outrageous statements of her twirling twenties.

I recently found Musician’s old diary amongst my stuff that survived the fire, and the skip; from when he was about seven. There was a line in it that said, ‘I hate Maggy Facha. She takes my mums muny.’ There are only a few pages covered. I don’t even have that from my childhood so whatever is dragged out of memory will be fashioned/tainted by this old head; and the thoughts and ideas are lost forever. My young life was spent reading instead of writing. Just imagine that teenager; I know that I searched for the right man to de-flower me for a good couple of years before he turned up, in bed beside me, sleeping; we woke together and consummated something in the middle of the night – and there were definitely no rainbows or fireworks...but it would’ve been very interesting to hear it directly from that me.

All the school reports I’d saved have disappeared; I wanted to embarrass my children while they berated their own kids for lack of attention, grubby and untidy work etc, but they were lost in the fire. So now, I am collecting biscuit tins to keep important bits in; mind you, at the moment said tins are full of crafty stuff and important documents are still lying around, unsafe in the world. I am so obsessed with memories and losing old pieces of our lives that I have multi-copied all the photos and my writing onto discs that are spread around everyone’s houses. All the old negatives are missing too; I always meant to check and sort them out.

I wish I had kept a record of illnesses and injuries; over the years the lives of three terrible children kind of blend and fade into each other that I only remember broken bones and a few stitches but not who had Chicken Pox or German measles. I began keeping diaries in the mid 80s but it was all pretty sporadic and there were an awful lot of hangovers and drunken ramblings (they’ve gone too). I don’t think there were many intelligent musings in them, so not a huge loss. If only I had been the perfect mother; I might have written up amusing daily reports to go down in family history – instead of grabbing as much personal time as I could while they slept. Things might’ve been very different with this old head on that younger me.


duckling said...

I'm exactly the same Irene... I've got over 8000 emails in my Inbox, going back 5 years - I never delete any of them. Would be so upset if I lost them.

The biscuit tins sound like a very good idea!

ireneintheworld said...

8000! my god. you should print them out and make a little book. x

i mean, a big book.

Marla D said...

Aw..I lost all my eldest daughter's birth stuff in a house move & was gutted..the only diaries I have are from my pregnancies..all 3 of them..but they seem to be mostly about what I ate! x

ireneintheworld; said...

know exactly how you feel marla. i seem to have lost all pictures of me as a teenager and young woman (probably in house moves). you feel like kicking yourself. x