Thursday, May 25, 2006


I took Joy out in the garden today, to catch a breath of the lovely sunshine before the rain reappeared. It was a wonderful day; we were deluged with rain all day yesterday. Everything was thickly coloured, deep greens and reds, with a splash of yellow and the lilac nodding in the background. I'm going to practise creating a floral tribute for the thanksgiving service in the church; I want something from Gent's garden - he loved it. The weather is so changeable right now and we couldn't depend on getting the main arrangement from here, but there's no reason why we can't have a little something. I've never done flower arranging, but I'm sure I'll be able to create an attractive display.

When we were out there, Joy asked me when Gent was coming home; she wanted him to see his garden. I choked and put my hands on her shoulders, 'Oh sweetie, he's gone,' I told her. I couldn't get the lump out of my throat to say anymore. She does this every day and has to be told again and again, but even then....I don't think she actually believes us. It's not that it isn't sinking in; I think it's a case of her thinking that we're wrong and that he'll be alright, and will rally like he always does.

She's a lot better than she was last month; I think that all that hospital visiting every day had worn her out. I really thought that she was at Death's door, but now, she's not nearly so breathless when walking. I don't know how she'll cope with the funeral - which isn't till 8th June. Just the thought of all those people giving her sympathy and all that stuff; she won't understand. She doesn't even recognise the cards...thinks they're for a birthday or something.

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