Sunday, April 16, 2006


My ex reared his ugly head again yesterday. And for the second time he discarded his children. Suddenly last year there was a silence from him; no reason apparent, just rejection. My sister-in-law, Sid, called to tell me that my daughter was breaking her heart. That’s the only thing in life that can move me to murder; someone upsetting my children…and for it to be that man again! So I called him. He said ‘fuck off’ and hung up. I was stunned; was not aware that we had fallen out - we spoke to each other sometime last year and there had been no argument.

I can only assume that he has gone mad or someone is meddling; telling stories and lies; there is always someone at it in big families. He has a girlfriend, so maybe he is just trying to shrug off his past to please her - he did that before too. In the end I sent him a text message, ‘ur children n I wil never bother u again tho what we did to offend u is a mystery. Ur loss.’

I am so laid back these days that I am almost horizontal. I’ve lost all my passion; I let people argue and debate and don’t feel I have to join in. I let them discover whether they’re right or wrong by themselves. But I come alive when he upsets my kids. I want to kill him, stab him with blunt objects, gouge his eyes out with a spoon, bite off his head and pan his face in with a hot, cast iron skillet!

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